So you’re in this situation where you’re thinking, “my ex girlfriend wants to be friends with me, but I really want her back, I just don’t know how to turn this situation around so that she’ll want me as her boyfriend again.” No worries, I’m gonna show you how to flip the script on this so that she comes back to you.
Firstly, this situation is common after a breakup in which the girl was the one who ended it. Friendship is her way of keeping you in the picture enough that she won’t suffer too much emotionally after ending it. The problems with accepting her offer of friendship are that A. it makes you look desperate, and B. she also loses respect for you from seeing that you will accept scraps even though you wanted much more. She knows that the high Dating Market Value guy who she wants to lock down in a relationship, would never accept those terms:
Her: “I want to be just friends”
You: “no thanks, good luck”
That is how a high DMV guy reacts, therefore it’s how YOU should react. Then after that, do a no contact period, and focus on Steps 2 and 3 from my Guide, which can push your DMV back up so that she again sees you as a potential partner rather than a friend. But it’s important to spend time away from her immediately after she offers friendship, because continuing to see her in that time will only push you further and further into the friend zone.
A better situation is if you get there first in offering to be friends. It is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT if it is you offering the friendship! It does depend how you offer it though.
Her: “I can’t do this anymore, we are done”
You: “Cool, let’s spend some time apart and then maybe I’ll let you be my friend”
If you say that, you flip the chasing-dynamic script on her completely. She’s dumping you (so that’s her high DMV and yours lower), but then instead of breaking down and begging like a low DMV guy would (giving her confirmation that your DMV is lower than hers), you instead seem totally cool with it and offer her scraps (friendship). That raises your DMV back up because only a guy with options (preselection) would do that. This is when you could have a situation where the girl starts backtracking on her decision and going from, “my ex girlfriend wants to be friends” to “holy shit she wants me back”.
I had this backtracking situation happen to me, and although I didn’t offer to be friends, I seemed reasonably unaffected by her decision to end it, nodded my head to acknowledge that decision, and then I walked away without a word. As I walked away, I could hear her backtracking on the decision and telling me to wait because she wasn’t sure, but I knew that at that point the attraction was low and that if I had turned around and gone back at that moment, I would’ve been making myself too easy (low DMV) and she would have changed her mind again. After that I ran my no contact period, and that is where things started to change for the better.
In summary, if your ex girlfriend wants to be friends, calmly brush off her offer, and then run an effective no contact period after that (Step 1). Because seeing her when she’s in a place emotionally where she wants to be friends with you, is just gonna push you further into that friend zone. You have to be very careful with the whole friendship thing – if you want to get her back as your girlfriend, that is.
- I Broke Up With My Girlfriend But Feel Dumpers Regret. What To Do Next? - July 18, 2017
- What To Do After The No Contact Rule Is Over – The Steps To Take! - July 10, 2017
- FAQ – Answering All Your Lingering No Contact Questions - July 7, 2017