Has your girlfriend broken up with you?
Have you tried your best to get her to change her mind and found that it hasn’t worked at all? Don’t panic, right now I’m gonna teach you how to get your ex-girlfriend back and help you turn this whole situation around.
Not so long ago my girlfriend dumped me just the same. She told me to “move on”, and she wouldn’t even answer my calls.
Amazingly though, a few months later, we were (and are) back together and engaged. We couldn’t be happier, and it’s all because of an old friend of mine from way back, who showed me that there’s a specific get your girlfriend back process which you NEED to follow if you are going to succeed in getting your girl back.
To fast-track the process my 6 step program can show you how.
Here we go:
Table of Contents
- 1 Step 1. Tell me who broke up with who
- 2 Step 2. We must figure out WHY your ex-girlfriend broke up with you
- 3 Step 3. Apply the solution for the breakup Category that your situation falls under – for most guys it will be Category A.
- 4 Step 4. Begin a No Contact Period To Get Her Back
- 5 Step 5. Improve your conveyed Confidence and Vibe
- 6 Step 6. Attract Your Ex-Girlfriend Back Without Contacting Her
- 7 Step 7. Re-establish Contact With Your Former-Girlfriend
- 8 Step 8. Hang Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend
- 9 Step 9. Get Her To Want A New Relationship With You
- 10 In Summary, Here’s 9 Ways To Win Your Ex-Girlfriend Back:
Step 1. Tell me who broke up with who
The approach we will take on how to make your ex want you back will depend on who initiated the breakup. This is to say that different breakup circumstances require different techniques.
So did she finish with you, or did you dump her? If she ended the relationship and you just want things to go back to the happy way they used to be, carry on to step 2 just below.
However if you dumped her but you’ve realized you made a huge mistake, and now you want her back, see my article on that specific topic, because all steps on this page show how to get your ex back if it’s the girl who broke it off.
Step 2. We must figure out WHY your ex-girlfriend broke up with you
Our first priority is to make sure that whatever it is you did, that made her want to finish with you – we discover what that was NOW. Because you gotta stop doing it, otherwise the simple process I’m about to reveal won’t work.
She will likely have told you some wishy-washy reason for why she ended it. Maybe she said you two have “grown apart” or perhaps she gave you the classic, “I just need some space”.
Whatever she said, it will almost certainly have NOT given you any clue as to what exactly went wrong. This is typical of women, but I’m a fellow guy who’s on your side, and I can give it to you straight, so here goes…
There are 3 possibilities for why she dumped you, and I’ve put them into categories A, B and C. We need to figure out which Category your situation belongs in. 95% of guys will fall into Category A.
Category A. Did she lose attraction for you?
When a girl stops feeling attracted to her boyfriend (or husband), the relationship goes stale for her. If she has any dating market value left (i.e. if she’s still hot enough to potentially draw in a decent new guy) then she will dump the boyfriend and sooner or later she’ll go get a new guy (one who she DOES feel attraction for).
As I said, this is the most common situation for guys wanting to know how to get someone back – he got dumped by the girl because she lost attraction for him.
Here’s how to know if the loss of attraction is your breakup situation:
Think about your relationship with her in the past few weeks/months/year, and answer YES or NO to the following questions:
Did you try your best to be extra nice to her all the time?
If you were nice to your girlfriend literally all the time, she would have picked up on the subtext that you were trying to get her to accept and like you – that you were vying for her approval.
The unwritten laws of the ‘social food chain’ dictate that inferior people seek approval from superior ones, and not the other way around. Women naturally know this, and by trying to get your girl to like you more (approval-seeking) using ‘nice’ behavior, you made her feel like she’s superior to you.
Evolution and the desire to have the strongest possible offspring, dictate that your girl gets attracted to guys she sees as superior to herself. All women have this mechanism wired into their DNA in order to keep the human race strong.
The problem with this for you has been that your nice behavior has prevented your girlfriend from seeing you as a superior man, for the reason I outlined above (approval-seeking). And of course, if your girl doesn’t see you as superior, she then loses attraction for you. This is when thoughts of ending the relationship enter her head.
Did you do everything she ever asked (or told) you to do?
Picture this: you have two people, a master and a slave. Who do you think is higher up in the social hierarchy? The master, obviously. By accommodating your ex-girl’s every desire or demand, you behaved like the slave (inferior) and she behaved like the master (superior).
Women are attracted to men who they perceive to be at least a little higher than them in the social food chain (read: superior men). Another way of putting this is, women are attracted to men who have a higher Dating Market Value (DMV).
So with you doing everything she wanted, your ex would have looked at you as inferior to her (lacking in Dating Market Value compared to her), in a world where women are attracted to men they see as being superior and high in DMV.
In other words, giving in to the desires and instructions of women on even a semi-regular basis is unattractive to them. If you were doing it, then it will have definitely been a part of the reason she dumped you.
That said, if you asked her about this, she would never admit it. Why not? She can’t. Attraction is a very primal and subconscious process that has been in place for thousands of years, so she won’t be consciously aware of why she lost attraction for you.
Did you give her compliments on a regular basis?
A girl with any degree of DMV (Dating Market Value) will start to think of a guy (even a boyfriend) who regularly compliments her, as a fanboy. Do hot female celebs date their fans? Hell no! They date other celebs who have a Dating Market Value as high as, or higher than, their own.
By complimenting your ex consistently, you basically showed her that her DMV was higher than yours. She lost attraction to you because of this, and it led to the breakup.
NOTE: I would imagine right now you’re reading these explanations and thinking something along the lines of, “Wow, I just had no idea that this is how attraction works and this is where I went so wrong”.
If you’re thinking that, then truly I sympathize because I have been there. But fear not! I will show you how to win her back if you continue to browse through this website.
Did you give her gifts regularly, especially at the moments that she showed her demands?
Consistent gift-giving will have made your ex think you were trying too hard to win her approval. Gifts set a frame where you are demonstrating that it is YOU trying to win HER over. She thus realizes that she is superior to you.
Women are not attracted to men that they feel superior to, so if you were buying lots of gifts, you can consider it to have helped kill the attraction and relationship.
Did you make it very clear to her that she is the most important thing that you have in your life?
It would make logical sense that this should boost attraction. Surely every girl wants to be the center of her boyfriend’s universe, right?
Wrong. The truth is, your girlfriend wants to be important to you, but she also needs you to have other activities in your life that don’t include her. Because, if you’ve made your life all about her, it’ll be a case where she sees that she’s 100% won you over. Women get bored of men they’ve won over fully. Why? It makes them think maybe they could do better, and that’s the last thing you want your girlfriend thinking.
Women need that element of challenge in their guy…she needs to feel that she won you over, but not 100% yet. And to keep her on her toes/from getting bored, you should never let it quite reach 100% in her mind.
Already given, “Yes” answers to 3+ of those first 5 questions?
If you have, forget the remainder of this Step and proceed on to the program I made that describes what you (in this specific situation) need to do next. Why? Because 3 or more, “yeses” at this point make it abundantly clear to me that here we have a Category A situation. Most breakups in which the girl ended it, are this. Don’t panic, I made this website for this situation more than any other. You are in the right place.
Did you stress your commitment to her?
Again, showing her that she’s got you 100% by the balls like this will make her bored, which equates to reduced attraction that contributes to a breakup. Stressing commitment also indicates to her that you have no other viable dating options, because if you did have such options, why would you be so concerned with stressing your commitment?.
You having a lack of viable dating options tells her that your Dating Market Value is lower than hers. This kills her attraction for you.
Did you usually contact her first, on any given day?
Women are a lot like cats. If you chase them, they run away. But, if you tempt them in, they will come to you on their own.
Your constant first calls and messages were creating a frame in which you were chasing her. But why does this kill attraction?
Because it shows a number of things:
– You are desperate for her attention
From this desperation she realizes that you have no other dating options, which lowers your Dating Market Value in her eyes. Attraction declines from this reduced DMV.
– Her DMV is high in relation to yours
She thinks this because it is you pursuing her most of the time. She concludes (perhaps subconsciously) that a guy with high enough DMV (for her) would wait to be contacted over 50% of the time. “If he’s a high-value guy, why would he do all the work?”
– You are insecure about what she might be up to
From this she can see that you doubt your own Dating Market Value such that you think she might go and find another guy. If you doubt yourself, she’s absolutely gonna doubt you too. Reduced attraction.
SIDE NOTE: One thing I want you to see here is that to your ex or any other girl, your DMV/ perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship.
YOU control the amount of DMV that women perceive in you, meaning you DO have the power to get her back, and to get girls hotter than her if you want them. That is why I created this website – to help you become the attractive man who has this way with women (and more specifically with your ex), regardless of your occupation, salary or looks.
Did you tell her you love her before she did the same?
Another case of her realizing that she’s ‘got you’, and that the challenge in you has been defeated. Boredom sets in for her from here, and then it’s just a matter of time until you find yourself going to a search engine and typing how to get a girl back.
Tough words there, but since I want you to get her back and to grow as a man from this experience generally, I know what you need to hear. I’m saying this stuff because it’ll help.
When decisions needed to be made, did you leave it to her to decide?
Women are submissive by nature and they want their man to be the polar opposite (dominant). Leaving decisions (could be about anything) to her, is submissive behavior by you, and it places her in the dominant role – a role that the female kind doesn’t take naturally to.
The result is that she thinks you’re weak for not taking the lead. And obviously if she perceives weakness in you, then attraction goes down. It would go against thousands of years of evolution for women to feel attracted to weakness in a man.
Did she regularly get all bitchy about something, and then you would end up saying sorry?
Letting a woman get away with giving you sh*t like this is a recipe for one thing: lost respect. Namely, any respect she had for you. Why? Because she knows that a superior guy who is worthy of her respect would not tolerate such BS from her.
Lost respect translates to lost attraction because a woman cannot feel attraction for a man she doesn’t respect/ feel is superior. If you even went as far as saying sorry to her at times when she gave you sh*t, then you can double the amount of respect and attraction lost because women don’t like submissive men. Submissive = inferior.
Did those bitchy outbursts of hers affect you emotionally?
Did she manage to turn your emotions negative with her displays of bitchiness? If yes, then she would have seen this as weakness in you, and chicks don’t dig weak guys = lost attraction.
SIDE NOTE: You may feel as if I am really grilling your approach to relationships here, but as I said, there’s a positive purpose to it. You need to see what went wrong first so that when you apply my how to win your ex back steps, you won’t be sabotaging the effectiveness of those steps by behaving in the ways that got you dumped in the first place.
Did you give her signs of affection (kisses etc) more regularly than she gave you them?
This is another example of the guy trying harder than the girl, and her perceiving her own DMV as the higher of the two. She perceives this because the person trying harder in the relationship is interpreted to be compensating for his/her lower relative DMV. This is how women see it. Attraction reduced.
With sex, did you verbally ask her for it? Did you ask to change positions? Or just as bad, did you let her take control in bed?
Yet another example of the man in the relationship not taking the lead, and perhaps even behaving submissively. Nowhere is the male dominance/female submissiveness dynamic more important than in the bedroom. Bucket loads of attraction gets lost this way!
Equally though, bucket loads of attraction can be gained in the bedroom too. If with my help you can get her back into bed, I’ll show you how to use the bedroom to make sure her attraction for you stays sky high. Keep reading!
Do you have photos of the two of you together, in which she is looking at the camera, but you are focused on her?
A classic tell that you were way more involved in the relationship than she was. Why? Because in a photo like that, you’re fixed on her, but she’s not the same towards you. It’s obvious.
And if she knew you were more serious about her than she was about you (she knew – women have a 6th sense for this sh*t), she’d soon have been bored from the lack of challenge you gave. She’d have thought, “If I can get this guy devoted to me THIS much, then perhaps I can do better”.
Did you think she’s the highest DMV girl you are capable of getting?
If you’ve been answering yes to lots of questions above, then it’s likely that you will answer yes to this one too. Why? Because believing that your girlfriend is the most suitable partner you could realistically get, creates a scarcity mindset which brings out all the desperate and try-hard (i.e. unattractive) behaviors that we discussed above.
Answered, “Yes” to a few of those questions? Loss of attraction caused your breakup 100%
If you behaved in 3 or more of the above ways during the latter stages of your relationship with your ex, then the reason you lost her is that her attraction for you faded out.
She will likely have told you some other nonsense reason for the breakup, but the fact that you answered yes to the questions above, coupled with the amount of sense that the explanations I gave make, shows that dying attraction is unmistakably the cause.
What about evidence that my theories represent reality? If you’ve been using many of those behaviors I asked you about in the questions above, and you also got dumped, then the fact that both happened in your own life, and that I was able to call both out despite the fact I’ve never met you – that should be all the evidence you need!
You’re probably now feeling very defeated. Many of your tactics for keeping your girl sweet have unfortunately worked against you, and this leaves you asking, “So what do I do?! How can I get my ex-girlfriend back?”
What I advise that you do is check out my 6 step program that reveals the simple steps necessary to win back your ex in a Category A situation. I think the steps will surprise you. Click here to check out the program now!
Category B. Were you too hard to tie down into a secure relationship?
It is entirely possible for a girl to be super attracted to her boyfriend but dump him regardless. It’s a situation where she absolutely wants to have you, but she feels she cannot. Why?
Because something about your behavior is making her feel as if you are not really committed to her. She feels that, although she’s attracted to you, you won’t give her what she wants and needs from a relationship (i.e. support her, and not keep chasing other girls). This is completely different from a situation where you’re trying to get a girl back when she has moved on.
Here’s how to know if this (B.) is your situation:
Think about your relationship with your ex-girlfriend in the past few weeks/months/year, and ask yourself these questions…
Did the relationship fail to evolve?
Women are ticking time bombs in terms of their fertility, and you had better believe that there’s an evolutionary part of your ex’s brain driving her towards the goal of having a child. For that reason, women need to see progress in relationships that indicates to them that they are on course to have kids.
I’m definitely NOT saying you should have been looking to have a kid with her recently – not at all. I’m just saying that the relationship should have been very gradually progressing into more and more serious territory. Women need to notice this kind of progress because it shows them that eventually the relationship could lead to them delivering what nature intended – kids.
So if your relationship with your ex stayed the same after 6 months or after a year (in other words if it failed to evolve and grow) then it would have violated her desire for progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment.
What are typical signs of lack of relationship progress?
Any situation in which she has expressed to you that she wants something to develop or happen between you two, yet you refuse to make it happen in the months after she showed that she wanted it – is a sign. For example:
– Not yet being established as an exclusive couple after she started hinting that she wants to go exclusive 3+ months ago
– Not yet moving in together after she started hinting towards that end 3+ months ago
– Continuing to use contraception after she started hinting towards wanting a baby 3+ months ago
– Not asking her to marry you after she hinted at wanting marriage 6+ months ago
Were you particularly mean/nasty to her?
Being a bit of an asshole to your girl is generally pretty healthy for a relationship…you’ve probably heard before that girls like ‘badboys’ and that nice guys finish last. Well it’s true, but if a guy has been too much of a ‘badboy’ to his girl, she’ll feel like the connection has died.
When a girl feels disconnected from her boyfriend due to his lack of emotional availability/overdone ‘badboyness’, she’ll think he isn’t interested in her enough for him to be a reliable partner. She’ll feel like she can’t really ‘get close’ to him, which is something she needs in a relationship because closeness shows her that he won’t just up and leave at some point. Girls do dump guys for this.
Did you play it too cool/be overly aloof with her?
This is where a guy puts in almost no effort with his girl. He leaves it to her to start the messaging or calling, always. He shows no concern or sympathy for any problems she might be having. He might even fail to initiate sex often through being too chill.
Make no mistake, aloofness is actually sexy to women, just like being an asshole is…there’s something alluring to them about the fact that you don’t feel like you need to try hard. BUT, if you overdid the whole play it cool thing, your girl would have interpreted it as you going cold/lacking interest in her.
In that situation your girl will, in return, go cold on you too. Again, she ends up feeling disconnected from you. “He’s being distant.” And so she breaks it off, leaving you needing to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back fast.
Did you show far too much value?
It’s great to show that you are a high value man (read: charming, witty, adventurous etc). But if a guy ‘overshows’ his value (i.e. he demonstrates cool things about himself too often), it will backfire on him.
Why though? Surely the more great stuff she knows about you, the more she’s into you?
Many women have quite simple and somewhat boring lives, so she might struggle to relate to you with your travel-filled lifestyle, amazing car or massive house that you told her about (for example). And if she struggles to relate to you because she sees you as WAY better than her, she will go cold and initiate the no contact rule on you. “He’s out of my league.” Then she initiates a breakup.
And so you can see…
Category B here contains the exact opposite behaviors of Category A. In Category A, those behaviors are try hard (too hard). But here in B, these are the behaviors of a guy who hasn’t given enough, so the girl doesn’t consider this guy as having long-term potential either.
Nevertheless, if category B fits your situation, then you have a really great chance of getting your ex back so long as you play your cards right from here. Move onto the next step and I will help you and show you more of how to get your ex-girlfriend back!
Category C. Did either you or her move away to another area?
This is the easiest circumstance in which to learn how to get an ex back. A situation where one of you moved to another area, and then the long distance made having a healthy relationship impossible.
Why is this the easiest? Well it doesn’t have as many core problems as other circumstances, like for instance getting a girl back from another guy. That’s harder. You only broke up due to distance, meaning that the attraction she feels for you is still present. In fact it might even have increased, since women get off on desiring what they can’t have (you). Even if it seems impossible, it can be done.
So if you are a Category C guy, here is how to get your ex-girlfriend back: you need to move to her area to solve the whole distance problem, and then do a few things right from there, which I’ll show you now…
Step 3. Apply the solution for the breakup Category that your situation falls under – for most guys it will be Category A.
It’s decision time. Are you:
- Category A: The ‘nice guy’ who she lost attraction for (95% of guys visiting my site are this). My 6 step program resolves this one.
- Category B: The guy she felt she couldn’t build a secure relationship with (a minority of guys are this).
- Category C: The guy who lived far away from her, which made having a relationship too difficult (another minority of guys are this).
Click on a category above now so that we can continue and I can help you win your girl back!
Step 4. Begin a No Contact Period To Get Her Back
Now that we diagnosed why your breakup happened, you’re going to need to begin a No Contact Period. This applies regardless of whether you’re Category A, B or C, but since 95% of readers will be Category A, from this point on I’ll be proceeding under the assumption that you are Category A.
A No Contact Period is essential, because after a breakup, your ex’s feelings for you have gone stale, such that ANYTHING you do other than give her a break from you, would have a negative effect.
So the step you must take here is to spend time apart.
But how much time? And what if she contacts you during that time? What if you have a child together?
We’ll look at the answers to all those are questions in my article on using the no contact rule.
Step 5. Improve your conveyed Confidence and Vibe
To re-attract your former girlfriend you’re going to need your body language and general vibe to do a fair amount of the work for you. Up until now your body language has probably been submissive and weak. That issue is likely a large amount of the reason she lost attraction for you and broke up with you in the first place.
That needs to change. We need to get you behaving and coming across in a more attractive manner, when you meet up with her in person. This takes practice so it is something you should get started with right away as soon as you begin the No Contact Period. That way, when you go to meet with her after no contact, she’s gonna ‘just feel’ that you have a sexier presence. That’s how it works, women can’t explain this stuff, they ‘just feel it’.
Step 6. Attract Your Ex-Girlfriend Back Without Contacting Her
During the no contact period you’ll need to communicate high Dating Market Value to your ex…without actually directly communicating with her. Put another way, you’ll need to send signals out that make it clear to her that you’re a high DMV man – without making direct contact with her as you do that. This gives you the best of both worlds, you get the benefits of No Contact but you also get the benefits of boosting your DMV in her mind.
Social media is a very useful tool when it comes to how to get her back. I have some great strategies that have worked very well for lots of guys, and having read through this article I’m sure you know where to find them by now.
Step 7. Re-establish Contact With Your Former-Girlfriend
The way you communicate with her via text and in calls will need to change. Given that you’re in a breakup you’ve probably been doing it completely wrong, replying instantly to her messages even though she takes hours to get back to you. This has to stop, and you need to start communicating in a more attractive way, after the no contact period. That’s why I’m going to teach you how to get your ex-girlfriend back fast by text message, although be aware, texts are only part of it.
There are certain texting and calling rules you can follow that will ensure you come across more attractively to an ex than you have been recently. These rules are simple yet extremely powerful. Obviously, they’re only simple and powerful if you know what they are though!
Something else to mention here. In most cases if you are ultimately able to get your ex back, it is most likely going to happen when you see her face-to-face. That’s because you can affect a girl’s emotions better face-to-face. Because remember, as a woman she makes her love-life decisions based on emotion – so that’s why any getting back together will most likely happen face-to-face.
I say all that in the previous paragraph to make the point that as face-to-face is how getting a girl back generally happens, you’ll need to set up a meet with your ex when you communicate with her via texts and calls, especially after she moved on (if it seems she has).
Now, the texting rules as mentioned above, will do a lot of the work to make her WANT to hang out, and as soon as she WANTS to hang out, arranging to meet should be very easy. I’ll talk you through what to say to set up a meet with her regardless, though.
Step 8. Hang Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend
You’ll need an approximate plan/set of guidelines to use for any social meet you’re able to set up with your ex. These guidelines will need to nuzzle the interaction in the direction of the bedroom.
Why direct things towards the bedroom?
Because the strongest way that you can affect her emotions is through sex with your ex. And remember, she decides who she wants as her boyfriend on an emotional basis. This means that getting her back into bed moves your goal of winning her back as your girlfriend along nicely.
Step 9. Get Her To Want A New Relationship With You
Up to now the steps will have re-gained some of the attraction your ex-girlfriend feels for you. At this point, you’ve got to make her want to go exclusive with you again. And while that may SOUND like the most difficult part, it’s actually by far the easiest.
Getting her to show signs that she wants you back in a committed relationship is more about what NOT to do, than what to do. Because, you have the attraction back by this point from the previous steps, so all you need to do here is get out of your own way, and let the getting-back-together process happen on its own.
The problem is, there are some things that I absolutely KNOW you’ll do wrong when it comes to this part of how to get your ex-girlfriend back, that will sabotage all your efforts and leave you back at square one. What you need here is to KNOW what these bad things are, so that you can be sure to avoid them.
In other words, you’ll need advice on how to play it at the point where things are going well with your ex-girlfriend, and all that’s left to happen is the formally getting back together part. My 6 step program covers this in detail and much, much more!
In Summary, Here’s 9 Ways To Win Your Ex-Girlfriend Back:
- Reveal who broke up with who.
- Learn why this breakup happened.
- Apply the solution for the breakup category that your situation falls under.
- Begin a no contact period to get her back.
- Improve your conveyed confidence and vibe.
- Attract your ex-girlfriend back without contacting her.
- Re-establish contact with your ex-girlfriend.
- Hang out with her.
- Get her to want a new relationship with you.
Latest posts by Sam Romero (see all)
- I Broke Up With My Girlfriend But Feel Dumpers Regret. What To Do Next? - July 18, 2017
- What To Do After The No Contact Rule Is Over – The Steps To Take! - July 10, 2017
- FAQ – Answering All Your Lingering No Contact Questions - July 7, 2017