Has your girlfriend broken up with you? Have you tried your best to get her to change her mind and found that it hasn’t worked at all?
Don’t panic. Right now I’m gonna teach you how to get your ex-girlfriend back and help you turn this whole situation around.
Not so long ago my girlfriend dumped me just the same. She told me to “move on”, and she wouldn’t even answer my calls.
Amazingly though, a few months later, we were (and are) back together and engaged. We couldn’t be happier, and it’s all because of an old friend of mine from way back, who showed me that there’s a specific get your girlfriend back process which you NEED to follow if you are going to succeed in getting your girl back.
To fast-track the process, please take my chances of getting your ex back quiz, and we’ll go from there.
Here we go:
Table of Contents
- Step 1. Establish Who Broke Up With Who
- Step 2. Learn WHY Your Ex-Girlfriend Broke Up With You
- Step 3. Spend Some Time Apart
- Step 4. Improve Your Conveyed Confidence And Vibe
- Step 5. Attract Her Back Without Contacting Her
- Step 6. Re-establish Contact In An Attractive Way
- Step 7. Hang Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend Face-to-Face
- Step 8. Tempt Her Into Wanting A New Relationship With You
Step 1. Establish Who Broke Up With Who
The approach we will take on how to make your ex want you back will depend on WHO initiated the breakup. This is to say that different breakup circumstances require differing strategies.
So did she finish with you, or did you dump her? If she ended the relationship and you just want things to go back to the happy way they used to be, carry on to step 2 just below.
However if you dumped her but you’ve realized you made a huge mistake, and now you want her back, see my article on that specific topic, because all the steps on this page show you how to get your ex back if it’s the girl who broke it off.
Step 2. Learn WHY Your Ex-Girlfriend Broke Up With You
Our first priority is to make sure that whatever it is you did, that made her want to finish with you – we discover what that was NOW. Because you gotta stop doing it, otherwise the get-her-back process I’m about to reveal won’t work.
She will likely have told you some wishy-washy reason for why she ended it. Maybe she said you two have “grown apart”, or perhaps she gave you the classic, “I just need some space”.
Whatever she said, it will almost certainly have NOT given you any clue as to what exactly went wrong. This is typical of the female kind, but I’m a fellow guy who’s on your side, and I can give it to you straight, so here goes…
There are 3 possibilities for why she dumped you, and I’ve put them into Categories A, B and C. We need to figure out which Category your situation belongs in. 95% of men will fall into Category A.
Category A. Did she lose attraction for you?
When a girl stops feeling attracted to her boyfriend (or husband), the relationship essentially goes stale for her. If she has any Dating Market Value left (i.e. if she’s still hot enough to potentially draw in a decent new guy) then she will leave the boyfriend and sooner or later she’ll go find a new guy (one who she DOES feel attraction for).
As I said, this is the most common situation for guys wanting to know how to get someone back – he got dumped by the girl because she lost attraction for him.
Here’s how to know if loss of attraction is YOUR breakup cause:
Think about your relationship with your ex in the past few weeks/months/year, and answer YES or NO to the following questions:
Did you try your best to be extra nice to her all the time?
If you were nice to your girlfriend literally all the time, she would have picked up on the subtext that you were trying to get her to accept and like you – that you were vying for her approval.
The unwritten laws of the ‘social food chain’ dictate that inferior people seek approval from superior ones, not the other way around. Women naturally know this, and by trying to get your girl to like you more (approval-seeking) using ‘nice’ behavior, you made her feel like she’s superior to you.
Evolution and the desire to have the strongest possible offspring, dictate that your girlfriend gets attracted to guys she sees as superior to herself. All women have this mechanism wired into their DNA in order to keep the human race strong.
The problem with this for you has been that your nice behavior has prevented your ex-girlfriend from seeing you as a superior man, for the reason I outlined above (approval-seeking).
And of course, if your girl doesn’t see you as superior, she then loses attraction for you. This is when thoughts of ending the relationship enter her head.
Did you do everything she ever asked (or told) you to do?
Picture this: you have two people, a master and a slave. Who do you think is higher up in the social hierarchy? The master, obviously.
By accommodating your ex-girl’s every desire or demand, you behaved like the slave (inferior) and she behaved like the master (superior).
Women are attracted to men who they perceive to be at least a little higher than them in the social food chain (read: superior men). Another way of putting this is, women are attracted to men who have a higher mate value.
So with you doing everything she wanted, your ex would have looked at you as inferior to her (lacking in mate value compared to her), in a world where women are attracted to men they see as being superior and a little higher in mate value.
In other words, giving in to the desires and instructions of women on even a semi-regular basis is unattractive to them. If you were doing it, then it will have definitely been a part of the reason she broke up with you.
That said, if you asked her about it, she would never admit it. Why not?
She can’t. Attraction is a very primal and subconscious process that has been in place for thousands of years, so she won’t be consciously aware of why she lost attraction for you, only that she has indeed lost that feeling.
Did you give her compliments on a regular basis?
A girl with any degree of mate value will start to think of a guy (even a boyfriend) who regularly compliments her, as a fanboy. Do female celebs date their fans? Of course not! They date other celebs who have a social and mate value as high as, or higher than, their own.
By complimenting your ex consistently, you basically showed her that her mate value was higher than yours. She lost attraction for you because of this, and it led to this breakup.
NOTE: I would imagine right now you’re reading these explanations and thinking something along the lines of, “Wow, I just had no idea that this is how attraction works and this is where I went so wrong”.
If you’re thinking that, then truly I sympathize because I have been there. But fear not! I will show you how to win her back if you continue to browse through this website.
Did you give her gifts regularly, especially at times when she was being very demanding?
Consistent gift-giving will have made your ex think you were trying too hard to win her approval. Gifts set a frame where you are demonstrating that it is YOU trying to win HER over. She thus realizes that she is superior to you.
Women are not attracted to men that they feel superior to, so if you were buying lots of gifts, you can consider it to have helped reduce the attraction and harm the relationship.
Did you make it very clear to her that she is the most important thing that you have in your life?
It would make logical sense that this should boost attraction. Surely every girl wants to be the center of her boyfriend’s universe, right?
Wrong. The truth is, your girlfriend wants to be important to you, but she also needs you to have other activities in your life that don’t include her.
Because, if you’ve made your life all about her, it’ll then become clear to her that she’s 100% won you over. Women get bored of men they’ve won over too fully. Why?
It makes them think maybe they could do better, and that’s the last thing you want your girlfriend thinking.
Women need that element of challenge in their guy…she needs to feel that she has won you over, but not 100% just yet. And to keep her on her toes/from getting bored, you should never let it quite reach 100% certainty in her mind.
But if you made her your whole world, and dropped other parts of your life to spend more time with her, then it definitely DID reach 100% certainty in her mind. So this is surely a cause of your breakup.
Already given, “Yes” answers to 3+ of those first 5 questions?
If you have, forget the remainder of this Step and go take my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Why?
Because 3 or more, “yeses” at this point make it abundantly clear to me that here we have a Category A (lost attraction) situation. That means this article has done its job, and you’re now ready to move on to the next stage, which is to take the quiz. It only takes a couple minutes, and once your quiz results come through, I will then have customized advice waiting for you on the next page. Please go take the quiz now.
Did you stress your commitment to her?
Again, showing a girlfriend that she’s got you 100% by the balls like this will make her bored, questioning whether she can do better. The way it works in her mind is, “surely a high value man would make me work a little harder to earn and keep his commitment?”
If your girlfriend is questioning and doubting your value, that is going to lead to lost attraction that contributes to a breakup.
Stressing commitment also indicates that you have no other viable dating options, because if you did have such options, then why would you be so concerned with stressing your commitment?
You having a lack of viable dating options tells her that your mate value is lower than hers. This too kills attraction.
Did you usually contact her first, on any given day?
Women are a lot like cats. If you chase them, they run away. But if you tempt them in, they come to you on their own.
Your constant first calls and messages were creating a frame in which you were chasing her.
Why does this kill attraction?
Because it shows a number of things:
- You are desperate for her attention
From this desperation she realizes that you have no other dating options, since why would you put more effort into communicating than she does, if you were really a high-value, in-demand guy? Surely you’d hang back and let her do more of the work if you were that high-value type of guy, right?
This is how women interpret a man’s effort level, so when you put more effort in than your girl does, it lowers your mate value in her eyes. Attraction then declines from that lowered mate value.
- Her mate value is high in relation to yours
She thinks this because it is you pursuing her most of the time. Her attraction mechanism subconsciously concludes that a guy with high enough mate value (for her) would wait to be contacted over 50% of the time.
“If he’s really a high-value guy, why would he do all the work like this?”
He wouldn’t. And her subconscious attraction mechanism knows it.
The subconsciousness of it is why your ex can feel that something’s off and that she’s not in love like she used to be, yet not actually know why. What’s happened is that you’ve done things that have made you UNreceptive (if that’s a word) to her attraction mechanism, and as a result she’s then felt that, “the spark is gone, but I don’t know why”.
It’s a subconscious thing IN her, triggered by your behavior – behavior that has indicated that your mate value is low. Conveyed lower mate value of course kills attraction.
You calling and texting first also indicates that:
- You are insecure about what she might be up to
From this she can see that you doubt your own mate value, such that you think she might go and find another guy.
If you doubt yourself, she’s absolutely gonna doubt you too, because women tend to get their beliefs about a man from what his behavior indicates he believes about himself. Reduced attraction comes from this.
NOTE: YOUR mate value/perceived superiority is as high as your behavior makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship. You CAN become that guy (again), and I’m happy to teach you how. Begin the process with my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Your results page will then guide you further from there on what to do to get this girl back.
So remember, YOU control the amount of mate value that women perceive in you – meaning you DO have the power to get her back, AND to get girls more attractive than her, if you want them. This is why I created this website – to help you control (increase) your mate value and become the attractive man who can entice his ex back, regardless of your occupation, salary looks etc.
Did you tell your ex-girlfriend you love her before she did the same?
Another case of her realizing that she’s ‘got you’, and that the challenge in you has been defeated. Boredom sets in for her from here, and then it’s just a matter of time until you find yourself going to a search engine and typing how to get a girl back.
Because if she was so easily able to tame you, then the way she sees it, perhaps she could get an even higher value guy? Because surely if you were truly the high value type that she wants, wouldn’t it have been a little harder for her to gain your love? Surely it would at least have been hard enough that she’d end up being the first one to drop the L bomb?
This is (unfortunately) the way the female mind works. And these are some tough words that you’re hearing here, but since I want you to get this girlfriend back, and to learn and grow as a man from this experience as well, I know what you need to hear. I’m saying this stuff because you having a better understanding of the female mind will help.
When decisions needed to be made, did you leave it to her to decide?
Women are submissive by nature, and they want their man to be the polar opposite (dominant). Leaving decisions (could be about anything) to her, is submissive behavior by you, and it places her in the deciding, dominant role – a role that the female kind doesn’t take naturally to.
The result of this is that she thinks you’re weak for not taking the lead and dominating. And obviously if she perceives weakness in you, then attraction goes down too. It would go against thousands of years of evolution for women to feel attracted to weakness in men.
Did she regularly get all bitchy about something, and then you would end up apologizing?
Letting a woman get away with giving you sh*t like this is a recipe for one thing: lost respect. Namely, any respect she had for you. Why?
Because she knows that a higher value guy who is worthy of her respect and time, would not tolerate BS from her.
Lost respect then translates to lost attraction, because a woman cannot feel attraction for a man who she doesn’t respect or feel is superior.
If you even went as far as saying sorry to her at the times when she gave you sh*t, then you can double the amount of respect and attraction lost, because women don’t like submissive men. Submissive = inferior.
Did those bitchy outbursts of hers as above, affect you emotionally?
Did she manage to turn your emotions negative via her displays of bitchiness? If yes, then she would have seen this as weakness in you, and chicks don’t dig weak guys, so that brings about lost attraction.
SIDE NOTE: You may feel like I’m really grilling your approach to relationships here. But as I said, there’s a positive purpose to it. You need to see what went wrong first, so that when you apply my how to win your ex back steps, you won’t be sabotaging the effectiveness of those steps by behaving in ways that got you dumped in the first place.
Did you give your ex-girlfriend signs of affection (kisses etc) more regularly than she gave you them?
This is another example of the guy trying harder in the relationship than the girl, and her perceiving her own mate value as the higher of the two. She perceives this because the person trying harder in the relationship is interpreted to be compensating for his/her lower relative mate value.
That then leaves the less-trying individual (her) as the higher mate value individual of the two. It’s called The Law of Least Effort, and women innately understand it.
Of course, any woman who notices that her man is putting more effort into the relationship than she is, and that therefore HIS mate value is lower than hers, will lose attraction for him.
It’s unfortunate that this is how it works, but it is the truth.
With sex, did you verbally ask her for it? Did you ask to change positions? Or worse, did you let her take control in bed?
Yet another example of the man in the relationship not taking the lead, and perhaps even behaving submissively.
Nowhere is the male dominance/female submissiveness dynamic more important than in the bedroom. Bucket loads of attraction gets lost this way!
Equally though, bucket loads of attraction can be gained in the bedroom too. If with my help you can get her back into bed, I’ll show you how to use the bedroom to your advantage, so that her attraction for you stays sky high. Keep reading!
Do you have photos of the two of you together, in which she is looking at the camera, but you are focused on her?
A classic tell that you were WAY more involved in the relationship than she was. Why? Because in a photo like that, you’re fixed on her, but she’s not the same towards you. It’s obvious.
And if she knew you were more serious about her than she was about you (she knew – women have a 6th sense for this stuff), then she’d soon have become bored from the lack of challenge you gave. She’d have thought, “If I can get this guy devoted to me THIS much, then perhaps I can do even better?”.
Did you think she’s the highest mate value woman you are capable of getting?
If you’ve been answering yes to lots of the questions above, then it’s likely that you’ll answer yes to this one too. Why? Because believing that your girlfriend is the most suitable partner you could realistically get, creates a scarcity mindset around attractive women which brings out all the needy, desperate and try-hard (i.e. unattractive) behaviors that we discussed above.
Answered, “Yes” to 3+ of those questions? Loss of attraction caused your breakup – 100%
If you behaved in 3 or more of the above ways during the latter stages of your relationship with your ex-girlfriend, then the reason you lost her is that her attraction for you faded out.
She will likely have told you some other nonsense reason for the breakup, but the fact that you answered ‘yes’ to some of the questions above, coupled with the amount of sense that the explanations I gave make, shows that fading attraction is unmistakably the cause, in your situation.
What about evidence that my theories represent reality?
If you’ve been using many of those behaviors I asked you about in the questions above, and you also got dumped, then the fact that both happened in your own life, and that I was able to call both out despite the fact I’ve never met you – that should be all the evidence you need.
You’re probably now feeling very defeated, and I sympathize, because I’ve been there and remember it well. Many of your tactics for keeping your girl sweet have unfortunately worked against you (as above), and that leaves you asking, “So what do I do?! How can I get my ex-girlfriend back?”
Your next step is to take my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Your results on that quiz will then give you tailored guidance on what your plan of action needs to be for your specific situation.
Category B. Were you too hard to tie down into a secure relationship?
It is entirely possible for a girl to be super attracted to her boyfriend, but dump him regardless. It’s a situation where she absolutely WANTS to have you, but feels she cannot. Why?
Because something about your behavior is making her feel as if you’re not really that committed to her. She feels that, although she’s attracted to you, you won’t give her what she wants and needs from a relationship (i.e. support her, and not keep chasing other girls).
This is completely different from a situation where you’re trying to get a girl back when she has moved on temporarily, as above in Category A.
Here’s how to know if this (Category B) is your breakup situation:
Think about your relationship with your ex in the past few weeks/months/year, and ask yourself these questions…
Did the relationship fail to evolve?
Women are ticking time bombs in terms of their fertility, and you had better believe that there’s an evolutionary part of your ex’s brain driving her towards the goal of having a child. For that reason, women need to see progress in relationships that indicates to them that they are on course to have kids.
I’m definitely NOT saying you should have been looking to have a kid with her recently – not at all. I’m just saying that the relationship should have been very gradually progressing into more and more serious territory. Women need to notice this kind of progress because it shows them that eventually the relationship could lead to her delivering what nature intended – kids.
So if your relationship with your ex stayed the same after 6 months or after a year (in other words if it failed to evolve and grow), then it would have violated her desire for relationship progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment and long-term suitability.
What are the typical signs of lack of relationship progress?
Any situation in which your ex expressed to you that she wanted something to develop or happen between you two, yet you refused to make it happen in the months after she showed that she wanted it – any situation like that is a sign.
– Not yet being established as an exclusive couple after she started hinting that she wants to go exclusive 3+ months ago.
– Not yet moving in together after she started hinting towards that end 3+ months ago.
– Continuing to use contraception after she started hinting towards wanting a baby 3+ months ago.
– Not asking her to marry you after she hinted at wanting marriage 6+ months ago.
Were you particularly mean/nasty to her?
Being a bit of an asshole to your girl now and then is generally pretty healthy for a relationship. You’ve probably heard before that girls like ‘badboys’, and that “nice guys finish last”.
Well it’s true, but if a guy has been too much of a ‘badboy’ to his girlfriend, she’ll feel like the connection has died.
When a woman feels disconnected from her boyfriend due to his lack of emotional availability/overdone ‘badboyness’, she’ll think he isn’t interested in her enough for him to be a reliable partner.
She’ll feel like she can’t really ‘get close’ to him, which is something she needs in a relationship, because closeness shows her that he won’t just up and leave at some point. Girls do dump guys for this.
Did you play it too cool/be overly aloof with her?
This is where a guy puts in almost NO effort with his girlfriend. He leaves it to her to start the messaging or calling, always. He shows no concern or sympathy for any problems she might be having. He might even fail to initiate sex often through being too laid back.
Make no mistake, aloofness is actually sexy to women, just like being an asshole is…there’s something alluring to them about the fact that you don’t feel like you need to try hard. BUT, if you overdid the whole play it cool thing, your ex would have interpreted it as you going cold/lacking interest in her.
In that situation a girlfriend will, in return, go cold on you too. Again, she ends up feeling disconnected. “He’s being distant.” And so she breaks it off, leaving you needing to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back fast.
Did you show far too much value?
It’s great to show that you are a high value man (read: charming, witty, adventurous etc). But if a guy ‘over-shows’ his value (i.e. he demonstrates cool things about himself too often), it backfires on him.
Why though? Surely the more great stuff she knows about you, the more she’s into you?
Many women have quite simple and somewhat boring lives, so she might struggle to relate to you with your travel-filled lifestyle, amazing car or massive house that you told her about (for example).
And if she struggles to relate to you because she sees you as WAY better than her, she will go cold and initiate the no contact rule on you. “He’s out of my league.” Then she initiates a breakup.
And so you can see…
Category B here contains the exact opposite behaviors of Category A. In Category A, those behaviors are try-hard (too hard). But here in B, these are the behaviors of a guy who hasn’t given enough, so his girlfriend doesn’t consider him as having long-term potential either – just like the girl in the Category A situation didn’t.
Nevertheless, if category B fits your situation, then you have a good chance of getting your ex back, so long as you play your cards right from here. Move onto the next step and I will help you and show you more of how to get your ex-girlfriend back!
Category C. Did either you or your ex-girlfriend move away to another area?
This is the easiest circumstance in which to learn how to get an ex back; a situation where one of you moved to another area, and then the long-distance made having a healthy relationship difficult.
Why is this the easiest? Well it doesn’t have as many core problems as other circumstances. Like, for instance, getting a girl back from another guy. That’s harder.
But when you only broke up due to distance, the attraction she feels for you is still present. In fact it might even have increased, since women get off on desiring what they can’t have (you).
So even if it seems impossible in a long-distance scenario, winning her back can be done. If you are a Category C guy (long distance), here is how to get your ex-girlfriend back: you need to move to her area to solve the whole distance problem, and then do a few other things right from there, which I’ll show you…
It’s decision time. Are you:
- Category A: The ‘nice guy’ who she lost attraction for (95% of guys visiting my site are this).
- Category B: The guy she felt she couldn’t build a secure relationship with (a minority of guys are this).
- Category C: The guy who lived far away from her, which made having a relationship too difficult (another minority of guys are this).
Click on a category above now, so that we can continue and I can help you win your girl back!
NOTE: All steps below this point are supplementary. Your priority should be on clicking on a Category above, and following the advice I give for each specific category. All of my advice below will be more generalized and may or may not be right for your situation.
Step 3. Spend Some Time Apart
Spending time apart and giving your ex-girlfriend space is an important step in the how to win an ex back process. After a breakup, it’s clear that your ex’s feelings for you have gone stale, such that ANYTHING you do other than give her some time and space (even things that ACTUALLY WILL WORK to get her back later on!), would have a negative impact AT this early stage.
So the step you must take here is to spend some time apart, out of contact.
How much time? And what if she contacts you during that time? Or what if you have a child together, or live or work together?
We’ll look at the answers to all those questions later on, in my article on using the no contact rule. But to give you a quick idea, you should look to give her MORE space than she needs. It’s always better to give an ex-girlfriend too much space, than not enough. Why?
Well not enough space would take you back to square one, since it wouldn’t give your ex the time she needs to feel ‘fresh’ about you. On the other hand giving her more space than she needs may actually result in her missing you more. It is therefore, the better option.
Step 4. Improve Your Conveyed Confidence And Vibe
To re-attract your ex-girlfriend, you’re going to need your body language and general vibe to do some of the heavy lifting…once it gets to the stage where you’re ready to meet up after no contact, that is.
Up until now, your body language has probably been lacking somewhat. Signs that this was the case are things such as not taking up enough space in your environment, leaning your neck forwards instead of up straight, hunched up shoulders… Many of us do these things without knowing we’re doing them, and women read into them as signs that we’re weak.
Obviously women, and that includes ex-girlfriends, want a guy who’s strong and dominant, so those types of body language that I mentioned are likely a part of the reason why your ex lost attraction for you and broke up with you.
That is to say that your body language needs to improve. We need to get you behaving and coming across in a more confident, dominant and generally attractive manner. That way when it comes time to meet up with your ex in person, you’ll be behaving more attractively to her on autopilot.
It will take some practice to get to that stage (where you’re behaving attractively around her on autopilot), so improving your body language is something you should get started on right away, as soon as you begin the No Contact Period (Step 3 as above). That way, when you do go to meet with her after no contact, she’ll ‘just feel’ that you have a sexier and more attractive presence.
That’s really how it works. Women can’t explain this stuff, they ‘just feel it’.
Here’s some easy ways to improve your vibe and confidence to your ex-girlfriend AND others:
– Sit and stand up straight (don’t slouch).
– Keep your shoulders down (not hunched) and your neck straight (not leaning forward).
– Spread yourself out – take up lots of space.
– Smile more with your eyes that your mouth.
These are all simple but very effective ways to improve your vibe and perceived confidence level, to your ex. They take some getting used to, but if you can make a start on them today, they’ll become habits that you use naturally by the time you go to hang out with her again.
Step 5. Attract Her Back Without Contacting Her
During the time that you give your ex-girlfriend space, you’ll need to communicate higher mate value to her, WITHOUT directly communicating with her. To put that another way, you’ll need to send out signals that make it clear to her that you’re a high-mate-value man – without making direct contact (i.e without breaking no contact) as you do that.
This gives you the best of both worlds. You improve your mate value in her mind, but you don’t compromise the space she needs.
How can you send out high-mate-value signals without contacting your ex-girlfriend?
Social media is a very useful tool for this. First thing you can try is to post pictures of you and your friends out having fun, clearly not seeming too concerned about the breakup. This will indicate higher mate value, because if your pictures show that the breakup doesn’t seem to have affected you too badly, the way she’ll see it, evidently you feel you could REPLACE her if you needed to. Because if you couldn’t replace her, then you’d seem more upset about having lost her…
If your ex believes that you’re capable of attracting other women to the point that you could replace her, that will only INCREASE her perception of your mate value, and attract her back. Why? Because there is no greater sign of high mate value in the eyes of a woman, than a man’s perceived ability to attract OTHER women. And what is it that attracts women, even exes? Signs of high mate value.
Therefore, your ex having thoughts such as, “Oh my god he’s out there maybe meeting and hooking up with other women!”, WON’T work against you like you may think it will. It’ll actually work FOR you, because of the way that an ex having thoughts like that RAISES your mate value in her mind.
Thus, having these kinds of thoughts occurring in your ex’s mind is a really GOOD and POSITIVE thing.
I mean sure, if she were to see PROOF that you have someone new, that may upset her and be a step too far, but it still wouldn’t reduce your mate value to her. It would actually RAISE your mate value through the roof!
This would OVERRIDE the fact that your actions are upsetting to her, because after her initial upset passes, your boosted mate value would then shine through and become a main deciding factor in whether she goes back to you or not. Why?
Because that’s just the way the female attraction mechanism is encoded! Women are wired to find the highest mate value man they can. Upset caused by that man is inconsequential, so long as his mate value remains high.
It’s just the way the female attraction mechanism works. And it explains why a lot of women go back to men that generally misbehave or cheat. As long as the guy’s mate value stays high in her mind, him causing her some upset is a problem she’ll often learn to overlook, all in the name of securing the highest mate value man she can.
So a perceived ability to attract other women is a GOOD thing when it comes to how to get your ex-girlfriend back, because it boosts your mate value in your ex’s mind. The key word there is “perceived”. Perceived ability to attract other women. You don’t have to actually be able to attract lots of new women, you just have to get your ex THINKING that you could.
It’s her PERCEPTION of what’s true that’s important, and when you’re out having fun and not seeming too concerned about the breakup, she’ll certainly see that you can find a replacement for her IF you need to. This, as I explained, is something that will work to re-attract her.
I have many more tips and tricks for tempting your ex back without contacting her. I’ll show you the ones that are right for your personal situation after you complete my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Only once you’ve done that quiz can I know which tips and tactics will work for your particular situation. Feel free to go ahead and take the quiz now.
Step 6. Re-establish Contact In An Attractive Way
Given that you’re in a breakup situation and are likely feeling a little desperate about your ex right now, you’ve probably been communicating with her in ways that have only made things worse…
Replying instantly to her messages even though she takes hours to reply to yours, begging her to take you back in long texts…this kind of stuff sends out UNattractive mate value signals because it shows desperation – something women know only a LOWER value man who they shouldn’t want back, would show.
That HAS to stop. You need to start communicating in a more attractive way – once the no contact period is over, that is.
That’s why next, I’m going to teach you how to get your ex-girlfriend back fast by text message. Texts are only a small PART of the full solution to winning an ex back, but there are certain texting and calling strategies which can ensure that you come across more attractively to your ex than you have been recently. These tips are simple, yet extremely powerful.
Here they are:
– Mimic your ex’s reply times.
If she takes ages to reply, you should take even longer. This shows her that you’re laid-back about how things turn out between you and her, thereby indicating that you’re an in-demand, high-value guy, who may well want her, but doesn’t need her.
This is exactly the type of attractive, non-verbal message she NEEDS to see from you if she’s going to start feeling attracted to you again. It’s the type of texting strategy that ALL women find themselves effortlessly and INvoluntarily attracted to.
– Only send messages that are as long as hers, preferably shorter.
This one works for the same exact reason. Your effortless approach to texting shows your ex that you aren’t too fussed what happens between you and her, thus indicating that you, as any high-value, attractive man would, have other options besides her.
– Keep your texting topics fun, lighthearted and positive.
Obviously if a text from you amuses your ex, that’s going to help you to build a new rapport and connection with her. This furthers the process of attracting her back, because the better she feels when she’s interacting with you, the more receptive she’s going to become to getting back together.
For that reason you should look to keep your texts fun, light and positive. Leave the heavy stuff (mentions of the breakup and getting back together) for later on. You shouldn’t be mentioning those things in your texts because BEFORE those topics can be mentioned, you first need time to change how she feels about you. Only once her feelings about you are more positive, will you then be able to see good results from discussing the breakup and the potential of getting back together. Why?
Well if you discuss that stuff too early, her feelings about you wouldn’t have changed enough yet, and she’d just re-affirm what she already told you – that she thinks breaking up is the right thing.
But if you go ahead and DELAY serious discussion about the breakup and possibility of getting back together, until AFTER you’ve spent more time affecting her emotions positively, you’ll then be much more likely to get the reaction you want from her.
In any case the breakup is a topic that should be discussed face-to-face, since face-to-face conversation is a lot more intimate. The increased intimacy of being able to see, hear and touch each other will enable you to more easily tempt her into changing her mind, something that is simply too difficult to achieve via text.
So use texting as a means for rapport-building and bringing back the fun old times that attracted her to you in the first place. That way it (texting) can prove to be an important stepping-stone in securing a face-to-face meet with her, where you can then discuss the breakup.
A face-to-face meet will become more and more necessary as time passes, because in most cases if you ARE ultimately able to get your ex back, it’s most likely going to happen when you see her face-to-face. Why?
Well as I said, you can affect a girl’s emotions much better face-to-face than you can digitally. And remember, as a woman, she makes her love-life decisions based ON EMOTION. So if you can affect her emotions better in person than you can digitally, it thus becomes obvious that meeting with her in person is a vital step forward for your goal of getting her back.
I say all that to make the point that AS face-to-face is how getting a girl back generally happens, you’ll thus need to set up a meet with your ex during the course of your texting or calling sessions. You can’t skip directly TO that part, because you first need to build some positive vibes so that she actually WANTS to meet up when you ask her to, but inviting her to meet IS something that you’ll need to do once she’s enjoying the conversation.
Again, let me repeat, before you get as far as inviting her out, you first need to warm her up and re-attract her a bit (build rapport), so that when you do invite her to meet, she doesn’t refuse, and doesn’t flake.
My texting tips as above will do a lot of the work to make sure that she WANTS to meet up with you. Arranging a meet will then become just a natural extension of the fun you’re already having together via texts and calls.
I have plenty more tips for contacting your ex in an attractive, high-mate-value-conveying way that tempts her back to you. After you complete my chances of getting your ex back quiz, I’ll then be able to give you the specific tips that can work for your particular situation, which no doubt is unique in nature.
Step 7. Hang Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend Face-to-Face
You’re going to need some guidelines to follow for any social meet that you’re able to set up with your ex-girlfriend. These guidelines should nuzzle the interaction in the direction of the bedroom.
Why direct things towards the bedroom?
Because the strongest way that you can affect your ex’s emotions is through sleeping with her.
And remember, she decides who she wants as her boyfriend on an emotional basis. Thus, getting her into bed again moves your goal of winning her back as your girlfriend along nicely, because it’s the strongest way that you can influence those emotions of hers.
So what ARE these guidelines on how to play it when you meet up with your ex-girlfriend?
Well firstly, wherever you arrange to meet, make sure YOU arrive there about 10 minutes LATE. This way you’ll seem in no way desperate to have her back, or to impress her. Desperation and the desire to impress are traits that women associate with LOWER value men, therefore if you show them, they’d only turn her off. But if you can just show up a little late, that will prevent any desperation or desire to impress from coming across.
When you arrive, make sure you sit NEXT to each other, rather than across from one another. That way touching will be easy. Touch is important because it can help to bring back the closeness you guys had before, which can then lead her in the direction of wanting you back.
I have further guidelines for meeting up with your ex, but which ones you’re going to need to use will depend on your specific breakup circumstances. No doubt your situation is unique, so if you can go ahead and take my chances of getting your ex back quiz, your quiz results will then point you in the right direction from there. Click here to take the quiz now!
Step 8. Tempt Her Into Wanting A New Relationship With You
Having done steps 1-7, you’ll already have re-gained some of the attraction that your ex-girlfriend used to feel for you. Next, you need to get her feeling like she wants to go exclusive with you again.
While that may SOUND like the most challenging part, it’s actually by far the simplest! Getting her to show signs that she wants you back in a committed relationship is more about what NOT to do, than what to do…
You have the attraction back by this point already from the previous steps, so most of what you need to do now is just get out of your own way, and let the getting-back-together process happen on its own. In other words, you need to know what mistakes to AVOID, to prevent yourself from sabotaging the getting-back-together process, which is supposed to happen fairly naturally after the first seven steps.
That’s really the main aim in Step 8 here – ensure that you don’t make mistakes which would accidentally sabotage the natural getting-back-together process. There’s several common mistakes most guys make at this exact point, and it’s super important that you know WHAT those mistakes are so that you don’t fall victim to them like most do. If you’re not told what these mistakes are, I honestly believe that you WOULD fall victim to them, so let’s discuss them right now.
The first mistake to avoid would be to start a discussion about potentially getting back together. YOU as the man should NEVER be the one to START a conversation about that. Because if YOU bring that up, it indirectly tells your ex that you don’t have other dating options in your life that are on HER mate-value level… Since if you did have such options, then why would you be so eager to start a discussion with her about getting back together?
And of course IF she determines that you don’t have other options in the dating market, she’d then reach the conclusion that you’re a lower value type of guy, who she shouldn’t get back with.
But if you leave the mentioning of getting back together out, your clear INdifference to getting back together would then become an indicator to her that you’re a higher value man than she thought – one who HAS other dating options in his life. How would indifference indicate that?
Well an ex-girlfriend knows that a guy WITHOUT other dating options would NOT be indifferent about discussing getting back together. Instead, he’d be eager and desperate to discuss that because, well, he doesn’t have other options right, so of course he wants to talk about getting back together…she’s his only option!
Logically then, if he instead fails to mention getting back together, that instead indicates that he actually DOES HAVE other dating options, because like we said, a man without those options would mention getting back together!
So only the guy who HAS dating options (read: the high value guy) would be indifferent about discussing getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, and she knows it. This is exactly the type of guy that she WILL WANT back – a HIGH value guy who SHOWS his high value by NOT needing her and NOT asking her about getting back together!
Conclusively, lack of interest in talking about getting back together is just the type of laid back, attractive attitude that ANY ex-girlfriend will know to expect from an ex-boyfriend who’s mate value is SO high that she shouldn’t have even broken up with him in the first place.
That’s why YOU should show disinterest and indifference towards getting back together with your ex, by AVOIDING bringing up the getting-back-together topic with her. Instead, let HER be the one to broach that subject when she’s good and ready.
And believe me, once she’s feeling ready, she WILL start that conversation.
Until then though, bide your time and play it cool. Because when it’s the man who is the first to bring up the subject of getting back together, it then becomes clear to his ex that clearly HE COULDN’T replace her if he needed to. This would be a sign to her that his mate value is low, and that of course is bad.
Getting back together is something you should instead look to let your ex-girlfriend CHASE YOU into. Why?
Because all women innately know that they’ll have to chase commitment out of any man who’s mate value is high enough such that he’s worth their time. They know that such a man certainly won’t be the one trying to chase commitment out of them, because there’s plenty of demand for HIM already, so why would he feel the need to chase? He wouldn’t.
Instead, he’d WAIT to BE chased BY them, since he’d KNOW that he’s a prized enough asset such that women themselves WILL chase him. He’d take it easy and let THEM chase when they will. This easygoing attitude would then signal TO them that he’s an in-demand, high value guy, and THAT’S the part that’ll actually make THEM start chasing HIM!
It is funny how it works, and it works just the same with exes. Let your ex CHASE YOU back into a relationship, AFTER you’ve done Steps 1-7 of how to get your ex-girlfriend back. Your willingness to lay back and wait for HER to chase commitment out of YOU, instead of you chasing that out of her, will then signal TO her THE high mate value that will actually make her WANT to chase the commitment out of you!
But how can you SPEED UP the process of getting your ex to chase commitment out of you? Or in other words, how can you win your ex-girlfriend back faster?
Over the years I’ve found that there’s several lesser-known methods which work very well for speeding up the process of getting an ex back. Which of these methods you as an individual should use, in your specific circumstances, will depend on your quiz results from my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Please go take that quiz right now. The methods you’ll need to use to solve your own specific breakup, will then be revealed!
In Summary, Here’s 8 Ways To Win Your Ex-Girlfriend Back:
- Establish who broke up with who.
- Learn WHY your ex-girlfriend broke up with you.
- Spend some time apart.
- Improve your conveyed confidence and vibe.
- Attract her back without contacting her.
- Re-establish contact in an attractive way.
- Hang out with your ex-girlfriend face-to-face.
- Tempt her into wanting a new relationship with you.
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