For most guys, if they find themselves in this position of, “AHHH my girlfriend broke up with me but I still love her!”, the first thing they’ll WANT to do is panic and try to persuade the girl to give it another shot.
While that is completely understandable, it is actually the worst step you could take at that particular moment. All it would do is show the girl that she made the right decision.
Because, she wants a high-value man, and a high-value man would be confident enough in his ability to replace her such that he’d feel no need to reason or beg about the breakup. He would quietly accept it and then leave the conversation.
But to the contrary, a low-value man would know that he doesn’t have many other options besides his now ex, and he’d then become desperate to change her mind about breaking up – a bit like you probably feel tempted to do right now. I know I did when my girlfriend broke up with me!
So when you beg and reason with your ex about the breakup, it conveys low dating market value, which makes her even more sure that she made the right decision.
The problem is…you already did that stuff, right? Reasoning, begging? As I said, back in the day I did that too when my girlfriend left me, and it’s not a deal breaker IF you play your cards right from here.
But how DO you play your cards right after your girlfriend broke up with you? Glad you asked, let’s run through the steps you’ll need to take to correct this situation.
To fast-track the process and have her back quickly, your first step will be to take my chances of getting your ex back quiz. Once we have your results I’ll then advise you on what your plan of action needs to be.
So here’s what to do when your girlfriend breaks up with you:
Step 1 – Stop panicking
Immediately after a breakup you’ll be feeling highly emotional, and when we’re emotional, we make really bad decisions. That means you can’t make progress in reversing this breakup until you’ve calmed back down to your normal baseline state, and are able to think rationally again.
It may take a little time for those emotions to cool off, so give yourself that time. In the meantime, in regards to action steps you can take to get this girl back, your step to take is to do NOTHING. That’s right, no communication with her, just leave her be for now.
“But Sam how do I stop panicking and do nothing after this? I just lost the girl I love!”
You stop panicking and do nothing by understanding that you’ll have a much better chance of getting this girl back 2-8 weeks after the breakup happened than you will in the days immediately after it. In these early days, she hasn’t yet had the chance to miss you, and is still adamant that she made the right decision. Given a little time though, as she starts to miss you, this is when things can change.
Knowing what I just said above should make you feel calmer, because you realize that A. this breakup doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s truly done between you and your ex, and B. you’ll have a way stronger chance of fixing things a little later on than you do right now while it’s all still so raw.
Step 2 – Disappear for a while
Many guys ask the question, “what to say when someone breaks up with you?”. The most productive thing you can say or do if you want this girl to change her mind, is nothing.
Because it’s early days. She only just broke up with you, so she’s currently of the mindset that she’s made the right decision. Her mind can’t be changed for the time being.
That means your best course of action is to stay off the radar for a while. I call this the no contact rule, and it’s the most difficult yet most important and potentially effective step you can take right now. Why?
Because this girl is used to seeing and communicating with you every day. When you suddenly cut that off, it’s a shock to her system, and she then feels the loss of your presence.
This is when she can start to miss you, which is the emotional state she would need to be in, for her resolve to weaken and for her to then start wanting you back in her life.
Without this no contact step coming first, it is very difficult to get ANYTHING ELSE to work after your girlfriend has dumped you. So this step is crucial, and it’ll only become possible for you to do, if you calm down as per step 1, first. Go to the following link for more info on running no contact.
Step 3 – Focus on other things
Disappearing means not contacting your ex for a while. You’re only going to be able to keep yourself away from the temptation to do that IF you are making efforts to keep your mind focused on other things.
So after the initial shock of the break up has worn off, it’s up to you to keep yourself busy with other things. Work. Hobbies. Friends and family. Shift your focus onto these things and people, and that will make doing the all-important step 2 as above, much easier.
Step 4 – Increase your Mate Value
If your girlfriend broke up with you, chances are she lost attraction for you. And if that’s the case, then she almost certainly has come to the conclusion that her mate value is higher than yours. Women don’t stay attracted to a man who they believe their own mate value is higher than. That’s why your pathway to getting this ex-girlfriend back will involve growing your mate value and letting her see that you’re becoming a better man on social media or from word of mouth.
Well, do anything that improves your value as a man! Improve your fitness and strength, build a side-business to grow your income, improve your social life – anything that showcases improvement in you and your life. You’re supposed to be doing no contact for a while anyway right, so growth like this ties in nicely with step 2, and is closely related to step 3 also!
Step 5 – Resume the communication with your ex-girlfriend
After you’ve done the prior 4 steps, it’ll then be time to get back in touch with your ex. Firstly, see if you can build a rapport, then arrange to hang out.
She dumped me, but will she come back?
While I can’t definitively answer yes or no to that question (because what in life IS certain, right?), what I can say is that you can improve your chances of getting her back DRAMATICALLY by following a particular formula of steps. Take the breakup quiz as below and your results will reveal what the next steps to take should be.
- I Broke Up With My Girlfriend But Feel Dumpers Regret. What To Do Next? - July 18, 2017
- What To Do After The No Contact Rule Is Over – The Steps To Take! - July 10, 2017
- FAQ – Answering All Your Lingering No Contact Questions - July 7, 2017