Once you’re done and dusted with your planned amount of time out of communication with your ex, you then need to know what the next step to take is – you need to know what to do after no contact.
Get this next step wrong, and it can cancel out the progress you’ve made during your period of stopping the communication channels. That means, unthinkably, that no contact would need repeating. Thus it’s very important that you get this next step right!
NOTE: If you didn’t do no contact (NC) yet, understand that getting it right is very important. You’ll need to know how long to do it, how to react if your ex reaches out to you during it, and a whole host of other things. My ultimate guide to the no contact rule will tell you everything you need to know.
1. First thing to do AFTER no contact is to kill your desperate need to communicate with your ex, and don’t rush into anything
When you’ve agonized your way through each day of no contact trying not to talk to your ex, it’s very easy to convey desperation in your first call or message to her. You MUST prevent this from happening as a number 1 priority because if signs of desperation or that you miss her get through, the time out of contact will all have been for nothing.
That means the first step to take here is to say to yourself, “Okay, I did it, I got through it, now just keep calm and take your time before reaching out to her”.
Women are incredible in their ability to read between the lines and suss out your emotional state, even just from text messages. If you take your time over contacting her and don’t rush into it, i.e. if you do this first step of this article, then no desperation will be conveyed and things will run smoothly.
2. Work on your body language and general vibe
The whole idea of contacting your ex is so that you can then meet up with her, with a view to getting her back, right?
Exactly. So when it DOES get to the meet up part, if you can seem more attractive to her due to improved body language and vibe, then that is, of course, going to be a HUGE advantage.
Now, it’s important to work on body language and vibe days or preferably even a few weeks before you see your ex, because improving your body language and vibe takes time. It requires the building of more masculine behavioral habits, and building habits takes persistence over time. That’s why it’s important that you work on this up front, days before you guys hang out. It’s also why improving your body language and your vibe is imperative after the no contact rule as a 2nd priority (step 2 on this list).
3. Use social media to show High Dating Market Value, to bait your ex into reaching out first
It is advantageous if your ex-girlfriend reaches out to you, instead of the other way around. That’s because whoever reaches out first is basically setting a dynamic in which they are pursuing, and the receiver of the first message is the pursued. The pursued is accepted to be the higher in Dating Market Value (DMV) between the 2 of you, at least in her mind. It’s called the law of least effort…the person making less effort (the pursued) is perceived as superior to the person making more effort (the pursuer).
For that reason, after no contact, it is worth trying to bait your ex into contacting you first. This way she feels like she’s pursuing or chasing you, more so than you are pursuing or chasing her, which increases her interest level.
ALWAYS let a girl chase and pursue if possible. This way she increases her own interest level in you while you sit back and enjoy the fruits of HER labor. You’ve seen situations where a total douche bag attracts a lovely girl and you just couldn’t figure out what she saw in him, right? Yeah, well this is what was happening… That guy LET THE GIRL COME TO HIM, and as a result she felt more interested in him.
Dating dynamics…it should all be starting to click in your mind now!
Okay so back to the 3rd step of what to do after the 30 day no contact rule (I actually recommend less time than that, but a lot of people say 30 days). This 3rd step is to use social media to demonstrate high DMV. You do this by posting updates on Facebook or whatever social media apps you and your ex both use…updates that showcase your high value.
Some examples of posting high value would be ‘before and after’ photos of you, showing how much muscle you gained or fat you lost (you are hitting the gym harder since the breakup right?), or taking a photo of yourself out on the town with buddies and some girls you guys met. Or a photo from a trip you did to a place that you know she’ll find interesting.
Basically anything that shows you to be a high value man will do for this. The meal you just ate? No that’s not gonna cut it. A selfie you just took in your bedroom? Nope. Those things don’t convey high value.
4. How to contact your ex after no contact: Text her saying you were just deleting old pics and found *this* photo!
A lot of guys worry about what to say after no contact, so let’s explore how to contact your ex after no contact.
If your efforts from the 3rd step just above don’t tempt your ex-girlfriend into reaching out to you first, then send her a picture message that is designed to get an emotional response from her (designed to make her miss you). Make it a photo of the two of you, of a happy time that you shared together.
The danger in sending this type of message is that she’ll think you’re really missing her and are looking through old photos due to that. If she thinks this, she’ll then feel like you’re much more interested in her than she is in you, and she’ll feel like you’re pursuing her. This prevents her from wanting you back, because as she sees it, guys who pursue her are lower in DMV than she is (or they wouldn’t be pursuing so hard).
To counteract that problem, drop a caption in with your photo saying, “was just deleting old pics and found this one!”
That way, she learns that you found this photo because ‘you’re moving on’, as shown by the fact that you’re deleting photos (even though you’re not).
Now don’t panic, it IS actually a good thing if she thinks you’re moving on. It makes her more likely to backtrack, “oh no he’s moving on…actually I think I do want him after all!” It provokes a panic response in her that can make her want you again.
The average guy thinks that if his ex-girlfriend believes he doesn’t want her anymore, then in turn she won’t want him either. I understand the logic of that, but in practicality, it just doesn’t work that way. Women often love a man for YEARS after he stops loving her. Her love for him is not dependent on his for her! This is just how it works!
Okay so with that cleared up, having done the steps previous to this one, send your picture message. Just note that this picture message alone is not going to work miracles. You’ll need solid texting technique to regain and hold her interest long enough to meet up and tempt her back.
Will my ex come back after no contact?
There’s no guarantees of anything in life, but your ex is a lot more likely to come back if you DO the no contact rule, than if you don’t. For that reason, you definitely should try it if you didn’t yet.
No contact has the power to SET THE STAGE for her to come back, but it almost certainly won’t do the whole job by itself. I wrote another article that can guide you through how to win an ex-girlfriend back.
What to do after no contact with your ex:
- Kill your desperate need to communicate with your ex, and don’t rush into anything.
- Work on your body language and general vibe.
- Use social media to show high dating market value, to bait your ex into reaching out first.
- Text her saying you were just deleting old pictures and found this one!