Not very long ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me to “move on”, and she wouldn’t even answer my calls. Amazingly though, a few months later, we were back together and engaged. We couldn’t be happier, and it’s all because of an old friend of mine from way back, who showed me that there’s a specific ‘how to get your ex-girlfriend back’ process, which you NEED to follow if you are going to succeed in getting your girl back.
NOTE: The following process will tap into the mating and attraction side of human nature, meaning that it will work only on women who are still ripe for reproduction (i.e women under the age of 40).
The things that 99% of guys do in trying to get their girl back actually have the total opposite of the desired effect. That’s right, all the shit you want to do to get her back (call her, tell her you miss her and love her, beg her to come back etc.) will actually repulse her and drive her further away.
That’s why I HAD to create this guide, which talks you through how to win her back in the way that works, simple step by simple step:
Step 1. Tell me who broke up with who
The approach we will take on how to get your girlfriend back will depend on who initiated the breakup. This is to say that different breakup circumstances require different techniques.
So did she finish with you, or did you dump her? If she ended the relationship and you want her back, carry on to step 2 below.
If you dumped her but you’ve realized you made a huge mistake, and now you want her back, go here, because all steps on this page are not relevant to your situation.
Step 2. Let’s figure out why she broke up with you
We need to make sure that, whatever it is you did, that made her want to finish with you – it ends now. You gotta stop doing it, and this can only happen if you know exactly what IT was.
She will likely have told you some wishy-washy reason for why she ended it. Maybe she said you two have “grown apart” or perhaps she gave you the classic, “I just need some space”.
Whatever she said, it will almost certainly have NOT given you any clue as to what exactly went wrong. This is typical of women, but I’m a fellow guy who’s on your side, and I can give it to you straight, so here goes…
There are 3 possibilities for why she dumped you, and I’ve put them into categories A, B and C. You need to figure out which Category your situation belongs in. 95% of guys will fall into category A.
Category A. Did she lose attraction for you?
When a girl stops feeling attracted to her boyfriend, the relationship goes stale for her, and if she has any dating market value left (i.e. if she’s still hot enough to draw in a decent new guy) then she will dump the boyfriend and sooner or later she’ll go get a new guy (one who she DOES feel attraction for).
As I said, this is the most common situation for guys wanting to get their ex back – he got dumped by the chick because she lost attraction for him.
Here’s how to know if loss of attraction is your break up situation:
Think about your relationship with her in the past few weeks/months/year, and answer YES or NO to the following questions:
Did you try your best to be extra nice to her all the time?
If you were nice to your girlfriend literally all the time, she would have picked up on the subtext that you were trying to get her to accept and like you – that you were vying for her approval.
The unwritten laws of the ‘social food chain’ dictate that inferior people seek approval from superior ones, and not the other way around. Women naturally know this, and by trying to get your girl to like you more (approval seeking), using ‘nice’ behaviour, you made her feel like she’s superior to you.
Evolution and the desire to have the strongest possible offspring, dictate that your girl gets attracted to guys she sees as superior to herself. All women have this mechanism wired into their DNA in order to keep the human race strong.
The problem with this for you has been that your nice behaviour has prevented your woman from seeing you as a superior man, for the reason I outlined above (approval seeking). And of course if your girl doesn’t see you as superior, she then loses attraction for you. This is when thoughts of ending the relationship enter her head.
Did you do everything she ever asked (or told) you to do?
Picture this: you have two people, a master and a slave. Who do you think is higher in the social hierarchy? The master, obviously. By accommodating your ex girl’s every desire or demand, you behaved like a slave (inferior) and she behaved like a master (superior).
Women are attracted to men who they perceive to be at least a little higher than them in the social food chain (read: superior men). Another way of putting this is, women are attracted to men who have a higher Dating Market Value (DMV).
So with you doing everything she wanted, your ex would have looked at you as inferior to her (lacking in DMV compared to her), in a world where women are attracted to men they see as being superior and high in DMV.
In other words, giving in to the desires and instructions of women on an even semi-regular basis is unattractive to them, and if you were doing it, then it will have definitely been a part of the reason she dumped you.
That said, if you asked her about this, she would never admit it. Why not? She cannot. Attraction is a very primal and subconscious process that has been in place for thousands of years, so she won’t be consciously aware of why she lost attraction for you.
Did you give her compliments on a regular basis?
A girl with any degree of DMV (dating market value) will start to think of a guy (even a boyfriend) who regularly compliments her, as a fan boy. Do hot female celebs date their fans? Fuck no! They date other celebs, who have a DMV as high as, or higher than, their own.
By complimenting your ex consistently, you basically showed her that her DMV was higher than yours. She lost attraction to you because of this and it led to a break up. See the master/slave answer above for more details, and also the first answer I gave, which was about being nice all the time.
Did you give her gifts regularly, especially at the moments that she showed her demands?
Consistent gifts will have made her think you were trying too hard to win her approval. It sets a frame where you are demonstrating that it is YOU trying to win HER over, and thus she detects that she is superior to you.
Women are not attracted to men they feel superior to, so if you were buying lots of gifts, you can consider it to have helped kill the attraction/relationship.
Did you make it very clear to her that she is the most important thing that you have in your life?
It would make logical sense that this should boost attraction – surely every girl wants to be the center of her boyfriend’s universe, right?
Wrong. The truth is a girlfriend wants to be important to you but she also needs you to have other activities in your life that don’t include her. Because, if you’d made your life all about her, it’d be a case where she sees that she’s 100% won you over, and women get bored of men they’ve won over fully. Why? It makes them think maybe they could do better, and that’s the last thing you want your ex thinking.
Girls need that element of challenge in their guy…she needs to feel that she won you, but not 100% yet, and to keep her on her toes/from getting bored, you should never let it quite reach 100% in her mind.
Did you stress your commitment to her?
Again, showing her that she’s got you 100% by the balls like this will make her bored, which equals reduced attraction that contributes to a break up. It’ll also indicate to her that you have no other viable dating options (because if you did have such options, why would you be so concerned with stressing your commitment?).
You having a lack of viable dating options tells her that your DMV is lower than hers, meaning her attraction for you dies.
Did you usually contact her first, on any given day?
Women are a lot like cats. If you chase them, they run away. But, if you tempt them in, they will come to you on their own.
Your constant attempts to call or message her were creating a frame in which you were chasing her. But why does this kill attraction?
Because it shows a number of things:
1. You are desperate for her attention
From this desperation she realizes that you have no other options for female interaction, which lowers your DMV in her eyes. Attraction declines from this reduced DMV.
2. Her DMV is high in relation to yours
She thinks this because it is you pursuing her most of the time. She concludes (perhaps subconsciously) that a guy with high enough DMV (for her) would wait to be contacted over 50% of the time – “if he’s a high value guy, why would he do all the work?”
3. You are insecure about what she might be up to
From this she can see that you doubt your own dating market value to a point where she might go and find another guy. If you doubt yourself, she’s absolutely gonna doubt you too. Reduced attraction.
SIDE NOTE: One thing I want you to see here is that to your ex or any other girl, your DMV/ perceived superiority is as high as your behaviour makes it, and is only partially related to your job, income, looks etc. This is why no guy reading this has any excuse for not being able to become the kind of guy his ex wants for a relationship.
YOU control the amount of DMV that women perceive in you, meaning you DO have the power to get her back, and to get girls hotter than her if you want them. And if it’s the last thing I do, I will help you to become the attractive man who has this power over women (yes, her too), regardless of your occupation, salary and looks.
Did you tell her you love her before she did the same?
Another case of her realizing that she’s ‘got you’, and that the challenge in you has been defeated. Boredom sets in for her from here and then it’s just a matter of time until you find yourself going to a search engine and typing, “how to get your ex-girlfriend back”.
When decisions needed to be made, did you leave it to her to decide?
Women are submissive by nature and they want their man to be the polar opposite (dominant). Leaving decisions (could be about anything) to her, is submissive behaviour by you, and it places her in the dominant role – a role that the female kind doesn’t take naturally to.
The result is that she thinks you’re weak for not taking the lead, and obviously if she perceives weakness in you then attraction goes down. I mean come on, it would go against thousands of years of evolution for women to feel attracted to weakness in a man.
Did/do you have photos of the two of you together where she is looking at the camera, but you are focused on her?
A classic tell that you are way more involved in the relationship than she is. Why? Because you’re fixed on her, but she’s not the same towards you. It’s obvious. And if she knew you were more serious about her than she was about you (she totally knew – women have a 6th sense for this shit), she’d soon have been bored from the lack of challenge you gave. She’d have thought, “If I can get him devoted to me THIS much, then perhaps I can do better”.
Did she regularly get all bitchy about something, and then you would end up saying sorry?
Letting a woman get away with giving you shit like this is a recipe for one thing: lost respect – namely any respect she had for you. Why? Because she knows that a superior guy who is worthy of her respect would not tolerate such BS from her.
Lost respect translates to lost attraction because a woman cannot feel attraction for a man she doesn’t respect/ feel is superior. If you even went as far as saying sorry to her at times when she gave you shit, then you can double the amount of respect and attraction lost because women don’t like submissive men. Submissive = inferior.
Did these bitchy outbursts of hers affect you emotionally?
Did she manage to turn your emotions negative with her displays of bitchiness? If yes, then she would have seen this as weakness in you and chicks don’t dig weak guys = lost attraction.
SIDE NOTE: You may feel as if I am really grilling your approach to relationships here, but I promise there’s a positive purpose to it. You need to see what went wrong so that next time, your girl stays super attracted.
Did you give her signs of affection (kisses etc) more regularly than she gave you them?
This is another example of the guy trying harder than the girl and her perceiving her own DMV as the higher of the two. She perceives this because the person trying harder in the relationship is considered to be compensating for his/her lower relative DMV. Attraction reduced.
With sex, did you verbally ask her for it? Did you ask to change positions? Or just as bad, did you let her take control in bed?
Yet another example of the man in the relationship not taking the lead, and perhaps even behaving submissively. Nowhere is the male dominance/ female submissiveness dynamic more important than in the bedroom. Bucket loads of attraction gets lost this way.
Equally though, bucket loads of attraction can be gained in the bedroom, and if with my help you can get her back into bed, I’ll show you how to use sex to make sure her attraction for you stays sky high. Keep reading.
Did/do you think she’s the best girl who you are capable of getting?
If you’ve been answering yes to lots of questions above, then it’s likely that you will answer yes to this one too. Why? Because believing that your GF is the best chick you can realistically get, creates a scarcity mindset which brings out all the desperate and try-hard (i.e. unattractive) behaviours that we discussed above.
Answered “Yes” to a few of those questions? Loss of attraction caused your break up
If you behaved in 3+ of the above ways during the latter stages of your relationship with your ex, then the reason you lost her is because her attraction for you faded out. She will likely have told you some other bullshit reason for the break up, but the fact that you answered yes to the questions above, coupled with the amount of sense that the explanations I gave make, shows that dying attraction is unmistakably the cause.
What about evidence that my theories represent reality? If you’ve been using many of those behaviours I asked you about in the questions above, and you also got dumped, then the fact that both happened in your own life, and that I was able to call both out despite the fact I’ve never met you – that should be all the evidence you need.
You’re probably now feeling very defeated. Many of your tactics for keeping your girl sweet have unfortunately worked against you, and this leaves you asking, “So what the fuck do I do?! How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?”
What you need to do is use the advice from the short video we made for Category A guys. Just click this link to go to the video now!
To Confirm: Click here if you answered yes to the above questions and are therefore a Category A guy (link takes you to our Category A Video).
Category B. Were you too hard to tie down into a secure relationship?
It is entirely possible for a girl to be super attracted to her boyfriend, but dump him regardless. It’s a situation where she absolutely wants to have you, but she feels she cannot. Why?
Because something about your behaviour is making her feel as if you are not really committed to her. She feels that, although she’s attracted to you, you won’t give her what she wants and needs from a relationship (i.e. support her, and not keep fucking other girls).
Here’s how to know if this (B.) is your situation:
Think about your relationship with her in the past few weeks/months/year, and ask yourself these questions…
Did the relationship fail to evolve?
Women are ticking time bombs in terms of their fertility, and you had better believe that there’s an evolutionary part of your ex’s brain driving her towards the goal of having a child. For that reason, women need to see progress in relationships that indicates to them that they are on course to have kids.
I’m definitely NOT saying you should have been looking to have a kid with her recently – not at all. I’m just saying that the relationship should have been very gradually progressing into more and more serious territory. Women need to notice this kind of progress because it shows them that eventually the relationship could lead to them delivering what nature intended – kids.
So if your relationship with her stayed the same for too long, or in other words failed to evolve and grow, then it would have violated her desire for progression. It would have made her realize that you are not the guy who’s going to give her a long-term partnership and finally a family. She would then have seen you as a poor suitor, dumped you and gone off to find a guy who shows more signs of commitment.
What are typical signs of lack of relationship progress?
Any situations in which she has expressed to you that she wants something to develop or happen between you two, yet you refuse to make it happen in the months after she showed that she wanted it. For example:
– Not yet being established as an exclusive couple after she started hinting that she wants to go exclusive 3+ months ago
– Not yet moving in together after she started hinting towards that end 3+ months ago
– Continuing to use contraception after she started hinting towards wanting a baby 3+ months ago
– Not asking her to marry you after she hinted at wanting marriage 6+ months ago
Were you particularly mean/nasty to her?
Being a bit of an asshole to your girl is generally pretty healthy for a relationship…you’ve probably heard before that girls like bad boys and that nice guys finish last. Well it’s true, but if a guy has been too much of a bad boy to his girl, she’ll feel like the connection has died.
When a girl feels disconnected from her boyfriend due to his lack of emotional availability/ overdone badboyness, she’ll think he isn’t interested in her enough to make a reliable partner. She feels like she can’t really ‘get close’ to him, which is something she needs in a relationship because closeness shows her that he won’t just up and leave her. Girls do dump guys for this.
Did you play it too cool / be overly aloof with her?
This is where a guy puts in almost no effort with his girl. He leaves it to her to start the messaging or calling, always. He shows no concern or sympathy for any problems she might be having. He might even fail to initiate sex often through being too chill.
Make no mistake, aloofness is actually sexy to women, just like being an asshole is…there’s something alluring to them about the fact that you don’t feel like you need to try hard. BUT, if you overdid the whole play it cool thing, your girl would have interpreted it as you going cold/lacking interest in her.
In that situation your girl will, in return, go cold on you too. Again, she ends up feeling disconnected from you, “he’s being distant”, and so she dumps you.
Did you show far too much value?
It’s great to show that you are a high value man (read: masculine, charming, witty, adventurous etc). But if a guy ‘overshows’ his value (i.e. he demonstrates cool things about himself too often), it will backfire on him.
Why though? Surely the more great stuff she knows about you, the more she’s into you? Not necessarily…
Most women have quite simple and somewhat boring lives, so she might struggle to relate to you with your travel-filled lifestyle, amazing car and massive house that you told her about. And if she struggles to relate to you because she sees you as WAY better than her, she will go cold on you. “He’s out of my league”. Then she initiates a break up.
And so you can see…
…category B here contains the exact opposite behaviours of Category A. In Category A, those behaviours are try hard (too hard). But here in B, these are the behaviours of a guy who hasn’t given enough, so the girl doesn’t consider this guy as having long-term potential either.
Nevertheless, if category B fits your situation, then you have a great chance of getting your girl back so long as you play your cards right from here. Move onto the next step and I will show you how to get your ex-girlfriend back!
Category C. Did either you or her move away to another area?
This is the easiest circumstance in which to be getting her back; a situation where one of you moved to another area, and then the long distance made having a healthy relationship impossible.
Why is this the easiest? Because you only broke up due to distance, meaning that the attraction she feels for you is still present. In fact it might even have increased, since women get off on desiring what they can’t have (you).
So if you are a Category C guy then you need to move to where she lives to solve the whole distance problem, and then do a few things right from there, which I’ll show you now…
If you haven’t picked a Category yet…
It’s decision time. Are you:
- Category A: The ‘nice guy’ who she lost attraction for (95% of guys visiting my site are this)
- Category B: The guy she felt she couldn’t build a secure relationship with (a minority of guys are this)
- Category C: The guy who lived far away from her, which made having a relationship too difficult (another minority of guys are this)
Click on a category above now!
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